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Some Supportive Tips For Your Second pregnancy

When I found out I was pregnant for the second time, I thought it would be a walk in the park....long story has not been a walk in the park.

Something I never accounted for was the sheer energy my toddler has and how much less time I had to rest when I needed to.

First I want to start by saying , I feel incredibly lucky that I was able to convince my second daughter exactly as planned. Growing a life is a magical experience and something I feel honoured to do. That being said, I never thought my second pregnancy would feel so draining.

I feel like so much of the pregnancy content/support available focuses on first time moms. It seems a bit odd that nobody is talking about the challenges that come along with every pregnancy after the first.

I wanted to share a few thoughts on this topic and some helpful tips, for any other moms struggling with their second, third , fourth etc pregnancies.

The struggles

You are just more tired- Keeping up with another child/children can be handful when you aren't feeling well to begin with. You no longer are able to just rest whenever you need to, like you may have down with your first pregnancy. The demands caring for other children have on you mentally and physically...can be a lot when you are growing another life.

You have less time- There will be less time for cute bump photos, fewer pregnancy celebrations and your desire to do anything extra might go out the window. It's just harder to keep up with everything. Self care goes out the window and sleep, food and basic tasks take priority.

More on your plate- If you happen to have went back to work after your first child, now you are working, parenting a young child, caring for a home and growing a human. It's a lot. Few people speak of the mental load that comes along with being the default parent. Your time is almost always dictated by others and your needs often go without being met.

people are less excited- Generally the people around you are less excited about a second baby. It's odd how everyone is over the moon about your first baby, yet the second and so fourth, tend to be less exciting. It's also a bit strange how only your first baby will get a baby shower. Shouldn't all baby's be celebrated? Normalizing the idea of having present free baby showers would be a neat idea. Not only does the shower celebrate the new baby to be, but also the hard work of mom. It doesn't have to be an occasion for gifts, obviously if you already have already have many of the supplies you need. It still would be nice to have a celebration to make the pregnancy feel more special.

The Tips

1. Go into the pregnancy with zero expectations. I made the mistake of thinking my second pregnancy experience would be exactly like my first. This was a huge mistake. Each stage in life is going to be different from the last, life circumstances will the experience of pregnancy.

2. Sacrifices have to be made. I realized very quickly that there were times I had to accept, that screen time for my toddler was needed. I learned that the my work had to be put on hold when I needed to rest. I began to let go of little folding laundry to make time for myself.

3. Doing Less isn't always a bad thing. In the first trimester of my pregnancy I felt horrible....I was sick and exhausted 24/7. I started to realize that doing less was was completely acceptable. In the grand scheme of things....writing down every pregnancy milestone really wasn't that important to me.

4. Accepting help is critical to survival. Taking every opportunity possible to either rest or do something for me...was so valuable. whenever someone would offer to watch my older daughter or complete some type of task for me...I always accepted. "Doing it all" doesn't bring any benefit .

I think it's important to start offering more support for second pregnancies and so on. I felt totally prepared for my first pregnancy, but completely shocked with my second. I hadn't considered how different it would be with a little one already running around at home.

Starting more conversations around this topic is a great step towards having more support available for second + time moms. Transparency is key here...we need to start sharing experiences to help other moms feel better prepared!

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