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Staying Patient As A Mom Can Be Challenging

Before having kids I used to pride myself on how patient of a person I was. Nothing would phase me . It took a lot to get me on the edge of frustration and even once I reached that point, I could recover quickly from it .

Since have kids I have been incredibly humbled by how little patience I often have for even the slightest thing going wrong. Here's my theory as to why and what I am doing to work on it:


Children and any home that houses them, are incredibly overstimulating. This is just a natural inevitable part of how children operate. The house will always be filled with noise and more messes than it otherwise would. Moms need time away from that environment to "reset their patience scale" . Without taking time away , it is very easy to become overstimulated and in turn feel frustrated.

2. Loss of Control

Generally speaking, it's safe to say that kids have intense needs in their early years and those needs dictate our days . A baby needs to be feed when it cries, a screaming toddler in public needs to be calmed and the kitchen will be dirty even minutes after it's cleaned because the kids needed a snack RIGHT NOW. Feeling like everything is out of your control can be extremely frustrating.

3. Mental Load

This one is huge. Moms naturally carry the mental load for their family. Even in the most balanced households Mother's tend to take on more domestic labour. Carrying the mental load for a household is no easy task and can suck a lot of energy. It's no surprise that patience start to slip away during motherhood.

So what can you do about it ?

I can't speak for everyone, but here are a few things I am doing to work on staying more patient throughout the day.

Walking away

In situations where I can feel myself started to get frustrated I will walk away. Having my own space for a few minutes, normally allows me to do a quick reboot so that I am ready to handle whatever the situation is.

Deploy Empathy

Lately, I have been trying very hard to put myself in my toddlers shoes. If she is freaking out because I won't let her do something seemingly irresponsible, I try to think about how she is feeling. Not being able to build the cushion fort a level higher is a big deal to a three year old. I try to think of the fruition she is feeling before I speak. This one is hard to practice when you are frustrated!

Recognizing when I need alone time

The final and quite possibly most important piece to managing my frustration is realizing when I need time away from the kids. I have noticed that at least once a day I need a day where I am not the default parent . I need time to be in a somewhat quiet environment without anyone touching me . This can be hard to make happen with two young kids, but always makes a big impact on my mental health. Moms need time to be able to be their own person without children around .

To sum it up

If you find yourself more easily frustrated than you were prior to having kids, you aren't alone. Maintaining patience is challenging but essential to modelling the behaviour we want to see in our children . This is no easy task when life feels like chaos 24/7 . Take a step back and try your best to remain calm in the situation. Don't feel guilty for feeling like you are less patient since having kids. Parenting really takes a lot out of you even on the best days! The overstimulation is real!

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