I am convinced society pulled a fast one on women without us noticing. When did it become expected that women and mother's more specifically, should be able to "do it all" ?
Our quest for independence and liberation has brought us to a place where we are expected to do the work of two people and be put together while doing it.
Many mother's find themselves under an extreme mount of pressure trying to juggle all the exceptions of modern society. A career, rising kids , keeping up with the house, being a good partner and finding time for basic needs. They are essentially doing the work that two people used to do.
While many mom's can relate to this scenario, the narrative for dad's tend to remain the same. Majority hold down a full time job and complete SOME of the household labour. The fact that Men's roles in society haven't evolved to accommodate the extra labour women have taken on, is a bit puzzling.
This is where Mother's need to start putting their foot down and stop trying to "do it all". Trying to keep up with the old day standards of being the perfect housewife, while also being expected to hold down a career, is exhausting.
Not only do we need to accept this , but so do our support systems and family's. The days of hosting big family dinners or being the only one responsible for remembering birthday cards ....needs to go. Far too often, we feel pressured by their parents or In-laws to uphold the same traditions and values that they did, when they were raising a young family.
The problem with this is....our lives are drastically different and many of those values are no longer relevant to modern society. Our lives are busier and our family's needs more complex. We did just live through a pandemic after all....which is something our parents never experienced with young children. The mindset of how things used to be, needs to evolve to accommodate for how things are now .
Simple changes to expectations would make a huge difference for mom's mental health. Something has to give . The current expectations, are exhausting Moms and leaving them feeling undervalued and burnt out.
We need to start evolving as a society to accommodate the extra support moms need. To expect a mom to be the full-time home manger, while also contributing financially...isn't fair.
Growing to accept that we cannot "Do it all" as moms is such a valuable skill. The current system isn't working and our male companions need to start stepping up more.
Task Division In the Home
Remembering to buy great Aunt Sandy a birthday card, does not require having a vagina as a perquisite for completing the task. The same goes for replacing the kids clothing, or booking the dog it's vet appointment. Once we start to reevaluate the labour division in the family home, we can start to tackle some of the other pressures put on modern mothers.
Being The Default parent
Carrying the mental load of being the default parent is another area modern mothers should not be expected to take full responsibility for. If both parents are working outside the home...the default parent needs to be both parents. Expecting that the mother should always be the one to drop everything if the child is sick, or be the one waking with a restless toddler at night, simply isn't fair. The issue here, is that moms feel they are failing in motherhood, when in reality ...society's expectations are failing them. The constant guilt many moms feel, of being torn between their careers and being a mom needs to be addressed. We need to be supporting moms to balance their work and home lives, rather than shaming them when they fail to do so.
The Only Ones Biologically Capable of Growing A human...
Women are still the only ones able to physically have children . Let that sink in for a minute. We are expected to preform the same as men in our society....yet are the only ones who CAN GROW ANOTHER LIFE! How crazy is that? It seems obvious, but often gets overlooked. The important task of growing babies, can only be accomplished by women. This is something that needs to be valued more by society. Our feminine and nurturing energy, needs to be viewed as a strength....not a weakness.
To sum it all up
It's no secret many of us feel burnt out with trying to keep up with the pressures society puts onto moms . It's important to take a step back and understand that we are doing the best we can in the situation we are in. We are only human.
I promise skipping the Pinterest worthy activities is not going to affect our children's development. Having cereal for dinner occasionally will not stunt their growth. Discovering that you enjoy being a stay at home mom, does not lessen your value to society. Understanding that you enjoy working outside the home does not make you selfish. Having honest conversations surrounding these topics WILL help spark the support we require as modern moms.
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